The First Moments after the Seperation

(A story by © Jonathan Dilas)

I sit in the back on the back bank. The driver drives these zigzags with a too high rate along. I can look outside the window, how the wheels remain so even on the roadway. Few inches are missing only, and the car would fall into the depth, into the infinite depth.

I want to tell the driver that he has to watch out, but I cannot bring out a word. Everything I can hear me saying is a caw.

Darkness. It was a dream. What a luck. I still have clearly the feeling of the fear, when I had seen, how the wheels were close to the abyss. Slowly I straighten up and want to go to the refrigerator to drink something. After I am situated again in bed, I plan firmly not to fall asleep this time on the back. I put on the side and tighten a leg, with it I want to stabilize the position in such a way that I don't turn no more on the back.

Additionally I give him no chance to take my air.

With my hand I grope for the lamp and switch the light off.

I am suddenly in an other house. I see stairs before me. Slowly I walk up step for step. Something pulls me into a room, which is upstairs. When I am in front of a dark door, my hand covers the handle and I press it slowly down. I hear a cracking of the spring in the handle. As moved by spirit hand the door swings suddenly open. In front of me I see one large space with twelve beds now, six on the left and six on the right side. At the opposite a window.

Carefully I walk into the room. The beds are empty. When I am before the window, I see in the window that somewhat moves under the blanket of a bed. I turn around quickly. Right. It looks, as if an animal is moving under the cover of the bed, which is on the right beside me. Courageously I go to the bed and raise the blanket. In this moment a strange being jumps out it. It is approximately 5 feets largely, red, possesses a long, pointed tail and has small, narrow and dark eyes. It is evil. It is wild and wants to catch me, to kill me.

Out of the fear to turn my back to the being I go slowly backwards, as long as I until see from the eye angles that the other blankets likewise move and branch with a mark several of these natures out of the beds. They do not come from all sides to me now and I see no chance to defend myself or to flee. Suddenly I detect that it is a dream and I require myself to wake up as fast as possible.

Again darkness. I grope for the light switch. It clicks, but the lamp seems to be defective. To the refrigerator it is not far. I slip from the bed edge and slide to soil. I am so thirsty. At the refrigerator I open the door and get a large fright. In the refrigerator sits one of these red natures. It spits and looks at me penetrating. Crying I branch back.

Darkness. I have fear. I try to call for help. I want to free myself. Cannot move. Something moves in silence within this room and I... I can't move. Again and again I try to call for help, but I can just whisper:

"Help. Help."

I can move my eyes now and stare into the darkness around to discover him, but I can't see him... But! There! It is a shadow, a thick, fat, three-dimensional shadow. Like a thief it moves, but its radiant emittance, its internal nature seems oneself so badly, over powerful. I can't do anything against you. Disappear. Get off. Stay away from me! Slowly it comes to me and climbs on my high bed, sits down on my chest...

Muck, I am situated on the back! Now it can exhaust me. Yes! I feel already how it takes possession of me. This strange feeling, like stream, so unpleasantly, it overwhelms and shakes me.

"Help. Help."

Why does nobody come and helps me? My breath! I get no more air. I will suffocate. My heart races. I will die, if he won't get down from me finally. Now! Now I can move my arms. Yes. I strike around, but... however I beat through him! It is indisputable. It is inviolable. It is insuperable. What can I do against him, if I cannot touch him?

I wake up. It was just another dream. The light turns on, and my mother comes in.

"What is going on my child? Are you having nightmares?"

"Yes."

She relies on the bed edge off and takes tenderly my hand.

"You are awake now. Don’t worry, I am here. It was just a nightmare."

As wonderful it is to be received assistance, if one calls thereafter.

Suddenly falls somewhat to the floor. She bends after it. For a short moment I cannot see her head any longer. As she comes up again, suddenly I look into a frighten and dreadfully distorted wolf face, and she cries loudly:

"Muuuaaahhhhh!"

I want to cry, but it doesn't work. What happened? I could still speak a moment before, but now is it again like that. These streamy ripples, he sits again or still on me? Where is he? Who is he?

Darkness.

This time I cannot be put any longer. This fight finds otherwise no end. Again I stabilize my position in such a way that I cannot turn on the back. It can only crawl on me, if I am situated on the back. As soon as I am situated on the side or on the stomach, he can't do me anything.

I grope for the switch of the lamp. Click. Click. Yes, it goes again, therefore I am awake. This is good. Now I am here again. Well. I don't want to have anything more to do with it. I finally just want to sleep calmly, I don't want to fight forever in my live. Who challenges me again and again there? Why don't you want to go away forever and ever? Leave me alone! I simply want to sleep or remain awake and have no more dreams. I want to stay here. Yes. Forever. It's all the same to me. I just want to forget everything. Why do I get involved in this fight again and again? Now I am nevertheless save. Here nobody can do anything to me. Here I am with my parents. Safety. Yes. Far away of this lonely, dangerous nature, to which I cannot wear anything. Away of all the terrible feelings, this agony and the continuing uncertainty, which world is mine. Finally safe. Darkness.

Now I am outside and look up to the sky. Yes, there I can see the air is flickering. What a strange phenomenon?! What can it be? Over there! It is a... no, that cannot be... it is a face! A giant face in the sky, and it looks down to me! Still another face. A man and a woman. It seems, as if they would be before an enormous ball in which I am. As I would be in a transparent covering and the two are looking into it. Their faces are more largely, much more largely than the sun, they cover the whole sky. They smile to me and sign. Get off! I want to be left in peace. Get off! They want that I come out. I don't want. It is so beautiful here. What shall I do there? Disappear!

Darkness. I awake.

Yes, this time it was a calm night. This time it did not come back. Finally. Now I got rid off it and can sleep in peace now, just sleep. No more dreams, no. For what? Finally peace. I thank you God.

How many years later do you touch my soul suddenly again? Aren't you still there or lengthen decayed in any of your terrible worlds there outside in anywhere?

I feel I fear you! We forgot ourselves.

Now I feel the sorrow. I repent to have left you! I have left you in the pass and within your fight and you, you fight this hopeless fight further. Forgive me that I betrayed you.

Slowly also the feeling disappears and I feel the relief now. The successful escape into the life. Finally. I flew. I have done it! I got away. What a joy. I love the life and do not want any longer to remember you.

My tears dry on the cheek and I smile out into the life. Now my dreams went. The fight is past. Or did I depart myself just from the battleground? Anyway. Now there remains just one opponent: the death. But he's still so far away. I have time. I will wait. But return? No.

Fight your fight. I stay here. Here it is safe.